The Lost Love of Severus Snape
by thegirlwhoknew
Summary: About Snape before Lily's death, then how he finds her. A tragedy. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Snape's story **_**always**_** makes me unspeakably sad. And I wanted to write a sad piece, so this is it. I will probably add a second chapter soon. **

**I wish I could own this –any single part – but I don't. Please don't sue me. **

**But you know what you can do? You can review this and make me very happy **

'I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.'

_-Alfred Lord Tennyson_

* * *

_Splosh. _For the second time that day, Severus Snape had been careless. He'd splashed a bit of the potion he was making, messing up the balance of ingredients bubbling away in the cauldron. It was unlike him to make mistakes. Snape had perfect concentration, and never had made so many mistakes in one day. Actually, he hadn't made a mistake since fifth year, when Lily had smiled at him across the room and he'd dropped his knife into the potion he was brewing.

_Oh Lily. _

Snape missed her so much. But he was too proud to go to see her. Then he might encounter James, his old enemy. Sometimes his longing - oh, might as well call it what it was, _love_ - for Lily outweighed his silly pride, and he journeyed to Godric's Hollow during the day, when he knew Potter might be at work. But he always stopped outside the house, one hand resting lightly on the fence, then turn back, frightened that Lily could not care about him any longer. It was his greatest fear, that Lily would turn against him under James's influence, or maybe even worse, forget him, showing him how insignificant he was to her.

But today, none of this was the reason for Snape's upset. Snape was worried for Lily's safety. He stupidly had told the Dark Lord about the prophecy made of Lily's son. He cursed himself every hour, every minute for his naivety. He had thought the Dark Lord wouldn't care, wouldn't listen.

But he had taken it so seriously. He had thanked Severus for the information.

And Snape had seen his next plan, next murders, formulating in his eyes. The Dark Lord did not make mistakes. He did not leave people that could be left alive, alive.

Then Snape had realised the enormity of what he had done. He had fallen to his knees, and begged Lord Voldemort not to kill her. He didn't care about Potter, or his son, just keeping Lily Evans alive.

The Dark Lord had listened, maybe somewhat amused at the downfall of one of his trusted servants. Apparently in love with a mudblood. But he could not in any way understand the way that Snape felt.

He Who Must Not Be Named was also He Who Had Never Loved. And that was the greatest tragedy of Tom Riddle's life. It could have become Severus's life also, if it weren't for Lily.

The Dark Lord granted Snape this favour, as a reward for bringing him the information. He said he would not kill Lily Potter (Snape realised he had called her Lily Evans before out of habit).

But this did not relieve Snape, for he knew that his loved one was still in danger. She was going to be in the same house as Lord Voldemort. And Snape knew it would not be easy for her to see her child die. She was a wonderfully loyal friend, and as a mother, he imagined he would be even more loyal.

If Snape had thought there would be a chance of Lily dying, he would have been twenty times worse that day.

The main reason that Severus was so on edge was that he knew it would be the night.

The night the Dark Lord would attack the Potters.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Hi. Not much to say. This chapter is a bit longer than the last. Remember to review, and of course, thanks for reading this. **

**Enjoy. **

'What we have once enjoyed we can never lose;

All that we love deeply, becomes a part of us.'

_-Helen Keller_

* * *

Snape busied himself creating the important potion. Well, it was meant to be important. Dumbledore had commissioned him to make it, so it should be for something. But they both really knew that Dumbledore had asked him to make it to take his mind off Lily.

If it all went well, _none _of the Potter's would be harmed. Snape did have faith in Dumbledore. But he also knew how skilled Lord Voldemort was at finding people and killing them.

Dumbledore had been disgusted with Snape, for caring only for Lily, not James and his son.

Lily's son too, he reminded himself.

_You disgust me, _Dumbledore had told Snape. _You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you get what you want?_

Snape didn't care. Lily's life was the only one that mattered. But for Dumbledore's benefit, he had replied.

_Hide them all, then. Keep her - them - safe. Please. _

Snape was reliving the conversation over and over again in his head.

'Please,' he whispered aloud, 'let her be safe.'

He wasn't sure what or who he was praying to, but he didn't care. He just wanted his prayer to be answered.

He knew the Dark Lord had promised Lily Evan's safety. It didn't make him any less jumpy or nervous.

Maybe he could do something, Snape thought. He could go to Godric's Hollow once again. If he was in the house when the Dark Lord came, he would not dare to kill her. Not when Snape had so specifically asked for her not killed.

Snape stood up and picked up his wand from the nearby table. He put on an extra warm black robe on top of his other clothing.

He left the potion, bubbling away, without a second glance, and walked out of the door, letting it fall back loudly. He strode down the corridor quickly, and soon got to the doors leading outside. As soon as he was outside the castle, he apparated to Godric's Hollow.

He walked along the main street, knowing exactly where he was going after his many trips to the outside of Lily's house.

It was the 1st of November. Snape had been told by Voldemort that it was the night of the attack.

Snape soon arrived at the gate. He hesitated, as usual, then with a sudden stroke of courage, pushed the gate open and walked quickly up to the front door. He could hear no sounds except for the faint noise of a baby crying. He relaxed. Obviously the Dark Lord hadn't come yet, or had been held out by Dumbledore's magic. But Snape decided to knock anyway. He could still visit Lily. It was about 11:30 in the morning, and hopefully James would have gone out.

Snape waited for a minute or so, but no one came to the door. That was odd. He tried again, this time louder, but it was the same result.

He started to panic. What if the Dark Lord had already come? What if - but wait. He could hear the cries of a child again.

Snape looked at the door for a second, then tried the door handle. It opened. The front door was not locked. Maybe Lily was asleep or something.

The sound of the crying child grew louder as Snape pushed open the door. Inside, it was dark. It took a second for his eyes to adjust. When they finally did, Snape drew in breath very quickly. James Potter was lying on the floor in the hallway, obviously dead.

Snape just stopped still, the outside light streaming in through the slightly ajar door onto him.

James Potter, his oldest enemy apart from his father, dead.

Snape used to think that he'd like James dead, but after James had married Lily, he hadn't so much. That might seem strange, but the reason was that James had made Lily happy, and that had mattered to Snape.

So Lord Voldemort had visited the house already.

Snape was just stepping over James in a state of shock, when he realised something that made his heart skip a beat.

If James was dead, and Voldemort had come, why was Harry Potter crying?

More to the point, why was Harry Potter alive?

And where on earth was Lily?

Snape moved towards the sound as if in a trance.

He almost stumbled over James, as he opened a door that would have to lead to Harry's room.

Snape's knees buckled, and he tried to grab onto the door frame for support to stop him falling, as he saw her. He slid to the ground, leaning against the wall.

Lily Evans was lying on the carpet, auburn hair splayed out behind her head. Snape's face twisted and warped as he refused to believe what he was seeing.

She was dead. He would never talk to her again. Never witness her laugh, the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

Her eyes were open, but unnaturally so. The eyes so full of character, so full of life, were empty.

Somehow Snape was suddenly sitting by her side, looking into her face. Searching desperately for some sign of life.

He saw that the side of her face was wet, before realising that it was from his own tears. They were streaming down his face, refusing to stop.

Snape bent down slowly, and carefully planted a small kiss on Lily Evan's forehead.

Then he stood up, and all feeling left him. The tears stopped abruptly.

He turned and walked out of the house, Harry's cries following him out the front gate.

Snape could still hear them after he Disapparated.


End file.
